I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
