if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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