I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
