Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
