wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
