morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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