i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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