i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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