does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
