I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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