so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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