He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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