Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
