what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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