Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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