honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
