I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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