She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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