she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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