I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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