I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
