remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
