She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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