she woke up with a sticky ear
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
