Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
