Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
