at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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