i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
