We're facebook friends in real life
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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