Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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