Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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