i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
