I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
