WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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