I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh god it's open bar.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
