I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
