last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
