When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
