my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
