is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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