If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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