dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
