Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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