her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
