im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
