I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
