This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
