it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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