wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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