Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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