called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
