i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
