I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think my mom watched the whole time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
