You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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